Dating Site Rant

Originally written Dec. 5, 2007

Come on. It’s been quite a while since I’ve ranted about anything. I’m way overdue! So today’s topic is: dating sites.I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve made much use of various dating sites in the past . . . oh . . . 5-6 years. The kinds of sites I’ve used range from innocent “friend finder” type sites for people looking to just date to adult-oriented sites for people just looking to get laid to BDSM sites for people looking for . . .well, it’s a bit too complex to explain here without oversimplifying it. One site that I’ve been on for a number of years caters to people that are into ethical non-monogamy (as in, having an open or flexible relationship where you openly communicate with your life partner and you are both aware of the sexual and/or emotional relationships that you each have outside of your relationship. This is in contrast to non-ethical non-monogamy, otherwise known as CHEATING and LYING and HYPOCRISY – been there, done that, don’t want to go back there EVER. Too stressful and you can never really look your partner in the eye and feel good about yourself after. Not to mention you’re messing with someone’s health and life, especially if you’re not careful about STIs. YMMV and who the hell am I to judge you if that’s your choice.)

What is a sex act anyway? (Originally written on Oct. 25, 2007 on Facebook)

A few casual conversations in the last year or so have set me on a long term revisiting of this question. Back as an undergrad, when a few of us were “getting intellectual” at Reggie’s after an anthro class where the idea came up that people in some societies can’t conceive of the possibility of sex between members of the same sex, I not-so-drunkenly suggested the possibility that the acts that we (westerners) would consider sex simply aren’t viewed that way in these particular locations. Years later, I came across literature that confirmed this. Women in a few African societies have traditionally had interactions that I, as a westerner, would consider sexual but that they do NOT define as sex. According to them, if there is no penis, how can it be sex? The underlying premise is that sex, by definition, involves acts that lead to procreation. The other stuff, as earth shatteringly orgasmic as it may be, therefore does not qualify. So for these women, genital contact amongst themselves is pleasurable and romantic but not sexual.

More ranting about sexuality (originally written Oct. 4, 2007 on Facebook)

In response to a comment I received on my previous (and hilarious, apparently) drunken rant (I’m not drunk this time), here are some additional (and less verbally abusive) thoughts. Don’t read if you’re not down with intellectualising about sexuality.

It’s hard for people not to pass judgement on the sexuality of others, even if it doesn’t affect them personally. People are enculturated from an early age about what is normal, natural and morally acceptable. These ideas become so deeply engrained that letting go of these conceptions poses an emotional challenge. First, it’s never easy to question every thing you’ve ever thought you’ve known about the world. Second, opening up one’s ideas about sexuality calls their very own sexuality into question.

Drunken Rant: 21st century taboos about sexuality (Originally written as a Facebook note Oct. 2, 2007

OK, so I’m drunk and I haven’t been drunk since May, and yes I’m drinking alone like a loser (it started out as a plan to relax with a bit of red wine but I should know better, I can’t leave an unfinished bottle in my vicinity).

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about sexuality a lot, as always but you know I do have an intellectual and anthropological interest in all of that, it’s not *just* pure animal lust (fuck what a twisted sentence that is). So I’ve been doing some cultural analyses in my head and here is what I’ve come up with.